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Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy is considered by
experts to be The Most Effective Couples Counseling
takes you through a three stage process that gets you out of the hard
times and puts trust and love back into your relationship, in as few as 20
With consistently impressive results, 25 years of research on EFT
has found that:
EFT guides you below the stormy emotional surface of your conflicts into
the feelings that help you really "get" each other. This allows love to
flow and bonds to strengthen.
My Approach to Couples and Marriage Counseling
Gets to the Bottom of What Couples Really Argue About
money, sex, kids, chores, or clothes left carelessly on the floor, these
are just surface problems.
Even with very painful problems like infidelity, addiction, isolation, and
aggression, there is a root cause that is often hard to see.
So what is this root cause?
Below the surface of our conflicts, we want to feel accepted and
loved for ourselves. Without this, a relationship will sooner or
Thus, the heart of the therapy I do is in gently guiding you to be more
honest and real in your relationship. Your relationship becomes a safe
place to risk showing up more as you are, even with all your warts
and difficult feelings.
As you both feel more accepted and loved, your difficulties are
way easier to talk about.
The Three Stages of Couples Counseling
In the first stage of couples and marriage counseling, you learn to
calm your relationship dramas. This is done in two ways:
1) by seeing and understanding what's going on yourself and in
your partner, and 2) by seeing and changing the negative patterns
of your relationship.
you probably feel that your partner is causing you pain, and you want
to them to stop! This is normal.
But as I help you slow things down to understand more of what's
going on with each of you, it changes the way you see yourself
and your partner. You see that there are often good reasons you
each do what you do. In your own unique way, you each feel hurt by
not feeling accepted and loved.
As you begin to understand the stories and feelings beneath your
negative dramas, you become more compassionate and
accepting of one another.
the bigger picture of your painful interactions. You see that
there is an emotional chain reaction driven round and round by
your hurt, anger, and distance.
You learn to change these negative patterns that spiral down
into the relationship toilet into more positive patterns that spiral
up towards happiness and love.
You get out of the destructive blame game and learn new ways to talk
things out. You shift into really enjoying each other.
But we're not done yet - there's more.
Many couples therapists would stop here, and then down the road 6
months or more, your same old dramas and conflicts would likely
resurface. That's because you did not go deep enough into the
feelings and needs that create the foundation of a strong bond.
In stage two, I guide you into learning a whole new level of interaction
that creates a loving bond between you. Now that you feel safer in your
relationship, you learn to share with each other more deeply what you
feel and want.
You are able to listen and "tune in" to each other. As you show up
with each other in the moment, you discover that you can count on
your partner to be there.
You are relieved to find that it's actually OK to be you, in fact,
it's what your partner has been wanting all along!
As you experience your truer selves with one another, a deeper bond is
formed. You see into each other's hearts. Through your love for
one another, old hurts and even painful betrayals are healed.
This new trust and love does not go away after couples therapy.
There is a solid loving bond that helps keep your relationship
STAGE THREE - You Discover New Solutions To Old Problems
In the final stage, you learn to talk through your differences.
Since you are no longer fighting over you deeper needs and feelings
of wanting to be loved, communication is way easier. I guide
you as needed, as even old stubborn problems are resolved.
relax, take care of business, and have more fun without all the
fuss and fight. Whew!
This is not to say that you live happily ever after, but more that you
now know how to return to happiness even when the going gets tough.
When something comes up between you, you naturally work together
to unblock whatever is stopping your closeness and love.
In stage three, you learn to really care about each other's happiness.
Now that you have a partner who's for you and with you, life's
challenges are a lot easier to face.
You are happy to be together.
call or email to set up an appointment. I also offer a
free 10 minute phone consultation to find if we are a
good fit in working together.
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3850 N Lawndale Ave.
Chicago, IL 60618
1580 N Northwest Hwy
Park Ridge, IL 60068